Now I'm back to spending every night with my cat and masturbating so much that one arm is significantly more muscular than the other. Suddenly, the light bulb went off:
Being single is way better!
Disagree? You're wrong. And I will tell you why, for the following reasons:
(1) You don't have to shave--ANYTHING. Within days, you'll look like Chewbacca, but your boyfriend won't care--because you don't have one!
(2) You can fart and burp as much as you want without having to try and blame it on the cat.
(3) You don't have to act like a lady when you rip into that bag of Fritos. You want to be elbow-deep in that bag of Fritos for the next four hours while you watch Jersey Shore on Netflix? You go, girl.
(4) And what are you going to do with that chip bag once it's empty? If Snooki and JWoww are beating the shit out of Angelina and you don't want to miss it, go ahead and throw that chip bag on the floor while you continue your JS marathon. That chip bag can stay there all damn night. What's your boyfriend going to do about it, besides NOT EXIST?
(5) You can sleep with whoever you want, and no one can say a damn thing. Go ahead and fuck the Atlanta Falcons' entire defensive line. Use a condom, and God speed to you.
(6) You still have some of his shirts in your apartment, right? How lucky are you? There are multiple uses for those shirts. Didn't you say you ran out of toilet paper?
You're welcome.
Love,
Cori
xoxo
